Perfect Imperfection.

How long does it take to make a perfect carrot cake from scratch?

Find the ingredients … crush the nuts … bolus the two year old … grate the carrots … Freeze dance around the island … “Mom is the cake ready yet?” … measure the brown sugar … snack time .. prep the pan .. “Mom is the cake ready yet?’ ..

Making my perfect carrot cake with my children bothering me constantly is probably the only way I’d have it. I genuinely can’t remember the last time I felt comfortable standing still and silent. I have really always found calm in chaos. I also have always enjoyed being alone.

Things are a little different now. Yes, please, if you see me leave me alone. But hell, if for some very unusual reason I find myself alone in my house during the day you better believe I’m dying on the inside FOR REAL. Without the pitter patter of little feet, the shouting, the laughter, the whining and smashing; I’m completely lost and planning my escape, like I am running from a hippo.

I feel broken and so whole at the same time. My life hurts without them and that’s exactly what I know that every parent needs to feel. That moment to realize how much you miss your kids, that is the moment! The diapers, the tears, the dirty faces, the sticky fingers, the bum wiping, the mud puddle you didn’t know was there until somehow it’s all over your child’s forehead, the sibling rivalry … this shit is so REAL .. and the list could go on for days.

It’s hard not to feel overwhelmed, stressed and annoyed. The important thing is to remember that it’s normal and okay to take time away from your kids … and when you do .. listen. Listen to that silence. I guarantee, in that silence, you’d give anything to hear a little voice say “Mommy, can you read me a story?”

My carrot cake is perfect. I’m not perfect. But as long as I can still hear those kids in the other room, I’m all set.